Monday, August 30, 2010


I love the smell wind at dusk when the leaves are brushing on the road from the drivers on their way home.

When the cool is cold enough for a cardigan and to cause a nip of butterflies, but not enough to shiver.

I love the way the dirt smells right when its getting cold and the grass is getting its afternoon watering.

All when the wind blows it scents into the air.

I love fall. It reminds me that it’s okay to change, and okay to stay the same. 

It reminds me that no matter how slowly, or quickly change happens, I can embrace it.

I can breathe it all in.  All of its sweetness, bitterness, wisdom, emotion, and freedom. 

A Composition in Verse

Carelessness as I falter into freedom

In regards for what is real

Reserve no longer seen

There could be a change creeping

Not sure of its form

or what it’s keeping secret

Flowing words of wisdom

My brainwaves aren’t quite clear

Hearing what I came for

Ignoring what I hear

Things that I’m unsure of buzzing in my ears

I no longer disguise the fact that most of them are real

Thursday, August 26, 2010


In the thick of it.  Do you ever just have so much scrambling around in your head you have a terrible time trying to pin down one thought, one idea, one solution, one problem.  I’m there. Now.  I have been for a week.  Maybe longer. Who knows.  I should, but I don’t.  This actually happens to me more often than one would expect.  I must have unresolved issues or something.  Do you ever sit so still and quiet in a room that you can feel the earth move beneath you.  Try it.  You can feel the wind pass your face.  Even in a still room you being the most moving, living thing, you still feel like everything moves, and spins around while you’re still. It’s peaceful until I open my eyes and realize I am blogging and that world does not exactly exist.  All the scrambled thoughts come to the forefront once again, and I have a puzzle to solve.


As the seasons change so do I.  So do people.  Sometimes, changes are subtle and go unnoticed.  But, other times they make themselves aware.  I don’t mind it, except for when I can’t figure out exactly what I am supposed to be aware of.  Last week was my marriage anniversary.  Five years.  Five years of laughing, and sharing, and kissing, and always having someone to hold me when I am cold, or tired, or stressed.  Five years of arguments, of growing, of stubbornness, pride, and questions.  Maybe that’s what all of this is about.  I have been told by many people that the first ten years of marriage are the most difficult.  While I have had a blast the past 7 years (5 years married), its definitely been far from easy.  In fact, difficult would be an understatement.  Three beautiful children have been created and they rock my world.  Having kids young and early into our relationship was not the easiest of choices we’ve made…but choices I would never regret.  Alex and I are so totally opposite, but at the same time want the same end result: to be happy, love and be loved, to be good people, great parents, and live fully.  But the way we get there is so different from each other it sometimes makes things so damn hard.  Him and I have both acknowledged that not one day of our lives has gone by without at least one little argument, or disagreement of some kind.  Even on our BEST days.  That I have accepted, I’m okay with it.  Most of the time.  It’s when I become restless that I start to think about it.  Rather, when I am already restless, and we have a disagreement.  That is when I begin to contemplate the reasons, the solutions.  But half of the time I never do resolve it, and it just becomes a nasty cycle.  I constantly contradict myself, and relentlessly falter.


So where do I go from here?  

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Summertime and the livin’s easy…

Summer time seems to be bringing good things to people.  Most people I know are looking on the brighter side of things, and in general all endeavors are being fulfilled.  That’s always nice to hear.  This summer seems to be a new page in my life as well.  I have been working on my music and myself for a while now, and I am so excited about all of the plans I have in order.   I have big plans and I’m pretty hopeful, but I’m wise enough to know that it will all take time, and these plans of mine won’t happen without bumps in the road and bruises on my heart.  That’s okay though.  Life is about learning.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Some Days You Gotta Dance

Live it up when you get the chance
'Cause when the world doesn't make no sense
And you're feeling just a little to tense
Gotta loosen up those chains and dance

-Dixie Chicks

It’s true. 

I almost never go out.  I just don't allow myself to.  Its one of those pride things. It’s one of those, “I’m a bad mom if I admit I need a little break” things.  Well, let me tell you…some days you have GOT to give in.  Allow yourself sanity for goodness sake.  I dragged the hubby out to a local wine bar to hear an old acquaintance perform.  My mom (yes, my mom) and her Jack met us there.  We really had a lot of fun.  Hubby and Jack ate like men, and Mom and I laughed like idiots, and teased my mom about Siobhan Magnus’s famous hand wave all night (she does it, whether she knows it or not).  I just get crazy you know? I mean like cabin fever crazy.  And also like overwhelmingly zonked out crazy like I’m not sure if I can handle one more whine, cry, scream, or tantrum over a toy, a treat, or a mean word that someone said. 

That is all.  I just wanted to share that little thought.  You’re not a bad person if you need a few hours to get away.  Sometimes Calgon doesnt always help ;). 

<3 Rachel

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Lazy and Not So Cheerful

Oh my gosh! I was so so so lazy today.  No kidding,  I reread sookie stackhouse book 3 in my jammies all day.  Today was just one of those days where I could have sat on the beach with a good book and slept and dreamt and just wandered all day long.  But of course, like most people I have responsibilities and I did the best with where I was today.  Here. In the real world.  haha. 

Do you ever just have such an abundance of hopes and dreams and ideas in your head that its almost overwhelming and disconcerting and frustrating all at the same time?  It’s like I have all of these things I want to do in this life and I feel like I am at a stand still.  I know that I am working everyday towards my goals, but instant gratification is nice sometimes.  Not that I want instant gratification (because trust me:I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to that snob), it just becomes frustrating when you know something you want so bad is going to take so much hard work and so long to gain.  Of course it always feels so much better when you've worked your booty off for it, but I’m just venting here, okay? 

I just feel Blah.  All day today.  I woke up that way, and here it is 10pm and I still feel blah.  blah blah blah. Sorry, I’m totally a Debbie Downer right now.  I promise tomorrow I will choose to be happy.  But right now, I kind of want to stay in a blah state.  Don’t ask me why, but sometimes it just feels good not to worry about pleasing.

Thanks for reading.

:) Rae

Sunday, June 6, 2010

These are a Few of My Favorite Things:

I <3 Hello Kitty.  I really do. I’m not a fanatic, no that’s not sophisticated ;)  But I will live vicariously through my little one.

I love the sound of music.  No, not the movie.  The actual sound of guitars, violins, banjos, pianos, voices, wind instruments. I love them all. 

Reading.  I LOVE the Southern Vampire Series, AKA Sookie Stackhouse Novels. I just do.

I like to sew. I like to write.  I love to sing.  I love to bake-mostly cupcakes.

Photography.  Zucchini. Peaches in July.  The Country.  The Beach.  Coffee Bean Soy Iced Tea Lattes and mini lemon cakes.

Quilts.  I love quilts.  They remind me of my Granny, and they are just beautiful. 

Purples and Greens of most shades.

Of course the list goes on and on and on.  Until next time…

<3 Rae Liana